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Hitting Rock Bottom

20 Sep

I understand it all!

10661657_981089251930536_5648916279989682922_o“Why didn’t you tell me?” “Oh, I didn’t think you were  being serious!” Going through depression has to be the hardest phase I had to experience in my entire life. Because of the way I carry myself, someone as hype as I am- explaining to others that I was depressed was the least thing everyone wanted to hear.

The word depression is described as feelings severe despondency and dejection, low spirit, etc.… (Merriam-Webster). I am a high-spirited person! I portray myself in a way that only brings positive energy around others. It even reflects on the way I dress: I wear a lot of fun and vibrant colors, which stand out among others- such as pop colors as neon.

A couple months ago, I have found myself in a place I couldn’t ever imagine: depression. For months, I lost my appetite, panic attack, couldn’t sleep at night, I was dealing and still dealing with a project that I have invested every breath that I’ve got, “4:53”. Through it all, I realized no one really understood me.

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Where did January Go?

1 Feb

“Don’t wake me up until it is all over” I guess I slept the entire January- where did it go?

IMG_6921I have been awfully busy lately. Mainly, taking care of school’s work and me, I barely noticed that January has crawled up on me.

I figure the best way to stay on track with my new year’s resolution is to do monthly- evaluations. That- itself, I will be able to see what I mastered on the previous month(s) and what I need to give more attention for the upcoming months. On my last post, I promised that I was going to start handling things differently this year. I have been doing just that- better yet, I’m doing more than I envisioned- problems? Uhh- yes! Don’t we all have them? I love working out- the best way to start my day is from a great workout. I have been doing so much lately- I barely have any time to make it to the gym. And whenever I do have some free time- my body gives up on me. So the past couple days, as I struggle to get everything positioned- whenever I’m too tired or unable to make it to the gym- I make sure I do at least abs at home. Spring break is around the corner and summer will be here before anyone knows it. Whatever I can do to get them muscles tight, I definitely will do it.

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My New Year’s Resolution: Self-concentration

4 Jan

DSC_0717A man who goes by the name Carl Bard once said, “ Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” It is a brand new year- although it seems like it was 2010 yesterday.   Every year, we all come up with what known as “New year’s resolution”. Some people choose to take better care of themselves, to lose or gain weight, pick up a new hobby, etc.- but the reality, by the first week of Feb., some people can’t even remember what their resolution was.

For the past years, I have always had the same resolution- to start working out. It was the same thing for many years, mainly because I never took initiative.  I would say it, but I would not start working out- unless I had to attend a special event and I wanted to lose a couple pounds or to “toned-up”.  I would’ve worked out for one or two weeks, but then I would’ve fallen back- there was no motivation. Everything changed when I started grad school and working out was the only thing that kept me from pulling out my hair- there, I found my motivation. So what’s the point of coming with resolutions if we’re not going to stick with them?

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2013: A Year to Remember

1 Jan

Wow! I am alive, I am breathing, I am happy and I am well!

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The great, late James Whitcomb Riley, an American poet once said, “ The most determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.” At the end of last year, my resolution was to make the upcoming year better than any previous years. I was willing to go the extra miles; stepped into places I never thought I would, as a way to improve myself. This year turned out to be better than I could ever imagined. I discovered how much strength I had when I had no other shoulder, but mine, to rely on.

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Why Choosing Howard University was one of the Best Decisions I have Ever Made

1 Sep

howard-univSometimes when things don’t work out the way we have planned them, we get mad- we scroll back to our own little world; and sometimes, some of us even blame God for not coming through when we needed Him the “most”. Well, I was going through it all back in March. I have applied to Carnegie Mellon University, one of the top schools for MFA programs. Guess what? Little girl did not get in! Boy, I was devastated- I didn’t know what I was going to do, where I was going to end up- but one thing, I never gave up- I was destined to go to grad school. I planned to attend Carnegie, one of the most expensive schools in the country; however, if you asked me how was I going to be able to cover for my tuition- I wouldn’t be able to answer. I did not know anyone from Pittsburgh, and whatever I knew about Pittsburgh was what I have learned from the Internet or from people- yet, that was where I wanted to go to school.

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