Hitting Rock Bottom

20 Sep 10661657_981089251930536_5648916279989682922_o

I understand it all!

10661657_981089251930536_5648916279989682922_o“Why didn’t you tell me?” “Oh, I didn’t think you were  being serious!” Going through depression has to be the hardest phase I had to experience in my entire life. Because of the way I carry myself, someone as hype as I am- explaining to others that I was depressed was the least thing everyone wanted to hear.

The word depression is described as feelings severe despondency and dejection, low spirit, etc.… (Merriam-Webster). I am a high-spirited person! I portray myself in a way that only brings positive energy around others. It even reflects on the way I dress: I wear a lot of fun and vibrant colors, which stand out among others- such as pop colors as neon.

A couple months ago, I have found myself in a place I couldn’t ever imagine: depression. For months, I lost my appetite, panic attack, couldn’t sleep at night, I was dealing and still dealing with a project that I have invested every breath that I’ve got, “4:53”. Through it all, I realized no one really understood me.

Every day, I woke up- overthinking of problems that I would never be able to solve. Thinking of a lot of “what ifs”, which literally drove me insane. I reached to a point where I didn’t want to think anymore- I just wanted to peacefully sleep. However, when I slept, I was still thinking, I could never rest my mind and that led me to a darker place.

img_2531I started to stop caring less for myself. By then, I knew I needed help! I prayed but never fully believed. The scariest thing was reaching out to friends and family. First and foremost, I don’t think my family fully understands what it’s like to be “depressed”. I am young, educated and a great job, what is there to be depressed about? Secondly, some of my friends did not think I was going through enough to be depressed. And about the few who understood and tried to advise me- everything they said was going through one ear and coming out to the other. I was in a space where I didn’t want to hear what others had to say- and for that reason, I dodged the idea of going to see any professional. I didn’t think no one could have helped me.

One day it finally hit me. I was getting agitated watching times fly by and I wasn’t doing anything about it. I woke up and I started to discipline myself and doing the things I used to love: photography, editing, writing and working out. Within the times I was down, I gained a tremendous amount of weight. I found a reason to go back to the gym, to lose weight. Every morning at 5:00, I was at the gym. And that’s how I got over my depression!
Why am I telling you all this? Depression is not a joking matter. It is NOT! One thing about myself is that I have gone through so many experiences that make less judgmental toward others. I understand why some people react a certain way when they have hit rock bottom. I understand addicts- because for a long time, sleep was my addiction. At the end of the day, we all are trying to run away from our demons.

So I understand!

If it happens to me, it can happen to anyone. And what works for me may not work for others. Like one of the solution some people listed online was listening to music. As much as I love music, I choose what to listen base on my mood. So when I was down, I listened to music that made me feel worsen than I was before. My best advice to anyone who may be going through depression, please find someone who understands the situation and talk to them. Don’t ever hold everything in until it is too late.  I hope this post helps at least one person who reads it.

Love,

-MC

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How do I ask for Help?

11 Feb Photo on 2-23-14 at 11.49 AM #3

Help:

To give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need… (Dictionary.com)

Photo on 2-23-14 at 11.44 AM #5Growing up, my parents raised me to depend on myself. For that, I like to do things by myself. My parents would easily give up their lives so my siblings and me can have whatever we need; but, my goal is to always show them that I am capable of taking care of myself even when it seems a bit impossible!

The word “help” intimidate me. I am afraid that when I ask, some people will say, “no”, and I would be crushed. And if they say, “yes”, but may turn around and do the opposite- I am afraid of disappointment- for that, I just don’t ask.

So when is the right time to ask for help? Right now is the right time. I need help! I have reached the last level of my graduate school and I am in the process making my thesis film. Over the year, I have gone back and forth to find ways to make my film without asking for help. No, I don’t have it like that, and if I did, my film would have been streaming right now.

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Selected Howard University Students are in Haiti

14 Mar FullSizeRender-8

MC Travels: With a purpose.

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At Port-au-Prince airport

I love to travel but unfortunately, traveling requires times and money- two things I don’t have right now. Well, more like time- eventually when I’m done with school, I plan on travel the world.  I may not be able to travel much; however, greater things keep on happening.

I believe my purpose in life is to be a great photographer, filmmaker and traveling around the globe to help people, (read my blog’s bio). That was the deal and that is still.  As I get older, I only focus on things that are matter to me such as what I have listed above.

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When Friends become Family

23 Feb IMG_5074

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Tim and I during A Man’s Responsibility rehearsal shenanigians

The great Henry Drummond once said, “The people who influence you are the people who believe in you.” I personally don’t have many friends- I can undoubtedly count all my friends together in one hand. I am always on-the-go; with that- it has become harder for me to make friends. With the little friends I have, I honestly call them family, they all are brothers and sisters God blesses me with. I am fortunate enough to have friends who believe in my dreams and they have always been there for me in times of need.

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The Journey Continues…: Finding my Light

21 Jan IMG_8747

IMG_5087Most people choose Thanksgiving Day to express how thankful they are– annnd that is it! Coming from me, I know all about it, some of my family, we only speak on the day of thanksgiving. So we would express how proud we are and thankful we are to have one another in our lives. Why should we wait for an entire year, for that one particular day to express our thoughts? What good does it do? Why don’t we do it daily? You want to know something? I am thankful of you, yes YOU. You, who give me, hope EVERYDAY to go after my DREAM. I am thankful for you for continuing to read my blog.

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Finding Inspiration…

16 Jan FullSizeRender

FullSizeRenderA couple days ago, I was having a conversation with my best friend and the topic was inspiration. Who inspired you to be a better person? I thought about the question for a minute and my answer was I, myself- Myrlande. I am my own inspiration. Likewise, she had the same answer. You probably are thinking that we are some egotistical girls, (no argument, we probably are). I use the pronoun “I” more than anyone else. “I” this, “I” that- Ok, I get it! I am a subjective person.

I am the oldest amongst my three siblings and there is a huge age gap between all us: like I am four (4) years older than my sister, 15 years older than my younger brother and 17 years older than my youngest brother. Growing up, other than my parents, I did not have that sisterly or brotherly type of relationship with my siblings- I always thought I was too old. I focused on being an older sister instead of building a relationship with them. Therefore, I learnt to only depend on myself. From the time I started high school to my first year in college, I really was just “coin flipping” with everything I have faced. I think I did OK; however, I probably could have done better if I had someone to look up to.

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I am Back…

15 Jan

IMG_8743I took a much-needed break to focus on school… I had to sacrifice a lot of things that I loved and blogging was one of them. During this long hiatus, I completed my third semester of grad school, a part-time internship, a 30-minutes short length film, which I directed, edited, produced and even shot a few scenes. Lastly, I completed the third draft of my full-length script- let’s not forget that I work a fulltime job, as well. Your girl has been busy- I cannot wait to share with you.

I have written couple of pieces that I am going to start posting today. This time, I actually decided to focus on other people than the usual me. I have done a couple photography gigs, work samples will be available on the Facebook page, McTheWriter& Photography, please don’t forget to check it out. And like usual, the motto is to Read, Comment and Share….

Love you, much.

-McTheWriter

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