“Time Heals”, So They Say!

4 Sep

3T7A7466 When someone is going through a rough time we like to tell that person, “time will heal”. Sometimes we don’t even know to what extent that person is hurting- but nothing seems or feels easier than to tell him or her that better day is ahead.

In the past couple years I have lost a few people who met everything to me. One of them was my mother’s one and only brother who passed away in Haiti. That one really hit home for me! Before he passed away, I was working in Haiti. And I only “made time” to see him once.  I truly thought I was a “busy bee” and assumed I had all the times in the World to see my uncle: especially when I already made plan for the following year to go back. I left Haiti and the following day, my uncle passed. I was crushed! Had I known, I would have made my uncle a priority. My uncle passed five years ago and it still hurts today. Mainly because I was away from my family and friends when I was mourning. I was in college and it seemed like I had no shoulder to cry on.

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With Age Comes…

24 Apr

IMG_4239The day I turn 28, I started addressing myself as if I just turned 40. Not that I’m saying 40 is old- but I’m 28 years old for Christ sake! I feel older than I actually am and sometimes I feel like I should have known more or have already accomplished more things.

I like to believe with age comes maturity; and for me, I want to be able to do things by myself, depending on myself more. A couple years ago, you couldn’t force me to dine out or to attend church alone. You couldn’t force me to do anything solitary, unless it had to do with my living space: that I can’t compromise.

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My Epic Year

31 Dec

img_2563At the beginning of the year, we like to claim the year is going to be our year. Claim it in the name of JESUS! By declaring it, we hope to achieve bigger goals, starting a new diet or even becoming a better person. Some of us actually do keep up with these resolutions; however, to others- they all are forgotten by the first week of February.

The 2016’s year  was epic for me, positively and negatively. I have gone through so many journeys; it’s almost impossible to believe that it has only been 365 days. This year, I directed one of the many scripts I have written. It is one of my favorites- also a project that hits home whenever I talk about it. This year, “4:53” was born. It is a film focusing on Haitian mothers. I wanted to create a world where women are valued and strong. This film main goal was to show the rest of the universe how bold and capable are Black women. Though it has been a rough journey, I cannot wait to finish this project in the upcoming year.

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Feeling like 30 at 28

17 Oct

fullsizerender Turning a new age is a blessing! I get to see my 28th birthday this week and for that, I couldn’t be more thankful. As excited, as I am to celebrate my 28th year on earth, nothing scares me the most than turning 30 years old. See, I’m not even there yet and I’m already worried about the things I cannot control. Typical me!

Turning 30 to me means that I should have everything figure out by then. It is the “I’m done with the foolery” year. The year where career is popping, settling down or in the process of doing so, and of course a lot of traveling. But, as I get closer to 30, I feel like I’m nowhere near ready for the things I expected to have accomplished by the time I’m 30- that itself scares the crap out of me.

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Be Aware: Haiti and its ‘so-called’ NGOs

9 Oct

img_0094Haiti has once again hit with another catastrophe, hurricane Matthew. A hurricane that left many people killed, homeless, ruined from all their crops and livestock- a “no exit” situation.

Will Haiti ever catch a break? From hurricane Jeanne in 2004- one of the deadliest hurricanes in the Caribbean, that killed approximately 3000 people from Gonaives alone, a commune in northern part of Haiti. Hurricane Jeanne caused many devastating floods and mudslides. Four years later, in 2008, hurricane Gustav, Hanna and Ike once again hit Haiti.

And when we thought we have been through it all; then, 2010’s earthquake happened. A large scale of earthquake that struck down the island, killing over 160,000 of people and leaving many injured, physically and mentally. For the past six years, we, Haitians, have struggled to rebuild our country- most importantly, rebuilding our mental selves. A process that seems like taking eternity!

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Hitting Rock Bottom

20 Sep

I understand it all!

10661657_981089251930536_5648916279989682922_o“Why didn’t you tell me?” “Oh, I didn’t think you were  being serious!” Going through depression has to be the hardest phase I had to experience in my entire life. Because of the way I carry myself, someone as hype as I am- explaining to others that I was depressed was the least thing everyone wanted to hear.

The word depression is described as feelings severe despondency and dejection, low spirit, etc.… (Merriam-Webster). I am a high-spirited person! I portray myself in a way that only brings positive energy around others. It even reflects on the way I dress: I wear a lot of fun and vibrant colors, which stand out among others- such as pop colors as neon.

A couple months ago, I have found myself in a place I couldn’t ever imagine: depression. For months, I lost my appetite, panic attack, couldn’t sleep at night, I was dealing and still dealing with a project that I have invested every breath that I’ve got, “4:53”. Through it all, I realized no one really understood me.

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How do I ask for Help?

11 Feb

Help:

To give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need… (Dictionary.com)

Photo on 2-23-14 at 11.44 AM #5Growing up, my parents raised me to depend on myself. For that, I like to do things by myself. My parents would easily give up their lives so my siblings and me can have whatever we need; but, my goal is to always show them that I am capable of taking care of myself even when it seems a bit impossible!

The word “help” intimidate me. I am afraid that when I ask, some people will say, “no”, and I would be crushed. And if they say, “yes”, but may turn around and do the opposite- I am afraid of disappointment- for that, I just don’t ask.

So when is the right time to ask for help? Right now is the right time. I need help! I have reached the last level of my graduate school and I am in the process making my thesis film. Over the year, I have gone back and forth to find ways to make my film without asking for help. No, I don’t have it like that, and if I did, my film would have been streaming right now.

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