Turning a new age is a blessing! I get to see my 28th birthday this week and for that, I couldn’t be more thankful. As excited, as I am to celebrate my 28th year on earth, nothing scares me the most than turning 30 years old. See, I’m not even there yet and I’m already worried about the things I cannot control. Typical me!
Turning 30 to me means that I should have everything figure out by then. It is the “I’m done with the foolery” year. The year where career is popping, settling down or in the process of doing so, and of course a lot of traveling. But, as I get closer to 30, I feel like I’m nowhere near ready for the things I expected to have accomplished by the time I’m 30- that itself scares the crap out of me.
Haiti has once again hit with another catastrophe, hurricane Matthew. A hurricane that left many people killed, homeless, ruined from all their crops and livestock- a “no exit” situation.
Will Haiti ever catch a break? From hurricane Jeanne in 2004- one of the deadliest hurricanes in the Caribbean, that killed approximately 3000 people from Gonaives alone, a commune in northern part of Haiti. Hurricane Jeanne caused many devastating floods and mudslides. Four years later, in 2008, hurricane Gustav, Hanna and Ike once again hit Haiti.
And when we thought we have been through it all; then, 2010’s earthquake happened. A large scale of earthquake that struck down the island, killing over 160,000 of people and leaving many injured, physically and mentally. For the past six years, we, Haitians, have struggled to rebuild our country- most importantly, rebuilding our mental selves. A process that seems like taking eternity!
I understand it all!
“Why didn’t you tell me?” “Oh, I didn’t think you were being serious!” Going through depression has to be the hardest phase I had to experience in my entire life. Because of the way I carry myself, someone as hype as I am- explaining to others that I was depressed was the least thing everyone wanted to hear.
The word depression is described as feelings severe despondency and dejection, low spirit, etc.… (Merriam-Webster). I am a high-spirited person! I portray myself in a way that only brings positive energy around others. It even reflects on the way I dress: I wear a lot of fun and vibrant colors, which stand out among others- such as pop colors as neon.
A couple months ago, I have found myself in a place I couldn’t ever imagine: depression. For months, I lost my appetite, panic attack, couldn’t sleep at night, I was dealing and still dealing with a project that I have invested every breath that I’ve got, “4:53”. Through it all, I realized no one really understood me.
To give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need… (Dictionary.com)
Growing up, my parents raised me to depend on myself. For that, I like to do things by myself. My parents would easily give up their lives so my siblings and me can have whatever we need; but, my goal is to always show them that I am capable of taking care of myself even when it seems a bit impossible!
The word “help” intimidate me. I am afraid that when I ask, some people will say, “no”, and I would be crushed. And if they say, “yes”, but may turn around and do the opposite- I am afraid of disappointment- for that, I just don’t ask.
So when is the right time to ask for help? Right now is the right time. I need help! I have reached the last level of my graduate school and I am in the process making my thesis film. Over the year, I have gone back and forth to find ways to make my film without asking for help. No, I don’t have it like that, and if I did, my film would have been streaming right now.
MC Travels: With a purpose.
At Port-au-Prince airport
I love to travel but unfortunately, traveling requires times and money- two things I don’t have right now. Well, more like time- eventually when I’m done with school, I plan on travel the world. I may not be able to travel much; however, greater things keep on happening.
I believe my purpose in life is to be a great photographer, filmmaker and traveling around the globe to help people, (read my blog’s bio). That was the deal and that is still. As I get older, I only focus on things that are matter to me such as what I have listed above.
Tim and I during A Man’s Responsibility rehearsal shenanigians
The great Henry Drummond once said, “The people who influence you are the people who believe in you.” I personally don’t have many friends- I can undoubtedly count all my friends together in one hand. I am always on-the-go; with that- it has become harder for me to make friends. With the little friends I have, I honestly call them family, they all are brothers and sisters God blesses me with. I am fortunate enough to have friends who believe in my dreams and they have always been there for me in times of need.
Most people choose Thanksgiving Day to express how thankful they are– annnd that is it! Coming from me, I know all about it, some of my family, we only speak on the day of thanksgiving. So we would express how proud we are and thankful we are to have one another in our lives. Why should we wait for an entire year, for that one particular day to express our thoughts? What good does it do? Why don’t we do it daily? You want to know something? I am thankful of you, yes YOU. You, who give me, hope EVERYDAY to go after my DREAM. I am thankful for you for continuing to read my blog.